As a Life Coach and Grief Recovery Specialist I help people become the best version of themselves. I do this through support, encouragement and by offering my clients a variety of tools and techniques. Sometimes, it means working through a significant loss, often the death of a loved one, or a divorce. These major life events can cause us to become stuck and unable to move beyond our state of sadness, anger or lack.
When we fail to do some serious self-reflection and look for ways to be better and do better, we remain stuck and unable to realize why everything stays the same.
It’s interesting to take a moment to reflect about a time that you were interrupted and distracted from the task at hand. It happens to everyone. For example: You’re busy preparing dinner. There are several items cooking on the stove and you’ve just put a lemon meringue pie in the oven for the final stage of browning the meringue to a beautiful golden colour. There’s a knock at the door, you answer the door and become engaged in the discussion. Minutes later, upon returning to the kitchen you find the pots boiling over on the stove and the pie you took such care to prepare is burned. After a few choice words an almost automatic reaction is to blame the visitor at the door.
This is just a simple example and a messy stovetop or burnt pie may not have a lasting impact and we get over it. However, think about your closest relationships, your deepest hurts and most uncomfortable moments. The times where you may have been wrongly blamed or the one blaming someone else.
People who blame others are often hiding their own feelings of helplessness. Truth be known, when you blame others you give up your power. Think about that. You’re giving away your power.
It’s a teaching or learning moment in most situations and a good opportunity to take responsibility, be in control of your life and own your actions and reactions. So, the next time you find yourself, or someone else, doing the blame game I encourage you to pay attention and do some self-reflection.
So why do people feel the need to blame others?
This is just a simple example and a messy stovetop or burnt pie may not have a lasting impact and we get over it. However, think about your closest relationships, your deepest hurts and most uncomfortable moments. The times where you may have been wrongly blamed or the one blaming someone else.
People who blame others are often hiding their own feelings of helplessness. Truth be known, when you blame others you give up your power. Think about that. You’re giving away your power.
It’s a teaching or learning moment in most situations and a good opportunity to take responsibility, be in control of your life and own your actions and reactions. So, the next time you find yourself, or someone else, doing the blame game I encourage you to pay attention and do some self-reflection.
So why do people feel the need to blame others?
- CONTROL – They hold a belief that blaming helps to restore a feeling of HAVING CONTROL and they FEAR LOSING CONTROL.
- They see it as a form of punishment to make another feel bad and may be attempting to change a behaviour.
- It has become a LEARNED BEHAVIOUR. Possibly, as children they were never taught to take responsibility for their actions so as adults they have learned to blame others when something goes wrong. It’s what they know.
- UNABLE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY. It’s easier to blame others instead of admitting something should have been done differently.
- REFUSAL TO ACCEPT WHAT HAPPENED because they never learned how to ACCEPT AND GROW FROM FAILURE or when things go wrong.